Ignite The Desire

#35 How to Leave your Job and Never Look Back with Calien Asher

March 02, 2022 Episode 35
Ignite The Desire
#35 How to Leave your Job and Never Look Back with Calien Asher
Show Notes Transcript

Facing Change with Confidence

Everyone is looking for success in one way or another.  To fully step into success it will require you to start thinking about your future. You might think that security and safety is something worth sacrificing for, but in reality, it's not what will make us happy or bring true success into our lives - so why don't we give up on this idea of being "safe" now?

Go towards saying "yes" at first because there could potentially never come a time when leaving means anything other than too late!

In today's show, I had the honor of speaking with Calien Ascher. 
 Cailen is an award-winning Business Coach with a 3-day workweek, a mom of two little girls, and the creator of Scale-Up™ — a program that teaches 1:1 coaches and online service providers how to transition from exhausting one-to-one work to a Premium Group Program so they can increase revenue while decreasing working hours.

In this episode,  she will share some insight into how to build your business successfully online.

Here's a glance at this episode...

  • [02:44]  Understand the challenges of building an online business
  • [07:43]  Consistency is Key
  • [10:53]  How to hope without giving up
  • [15:11]  Meaning of high-end client

Click here to listen!

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More about Calien
Calien Ascher

Cynthia 00:01

Hey and welcome to Ignite The Desire, the show where we focus on what you think about in your relationships, career, business, and love. I am Cynthia and today we're talking with Cailen Asher, a business coach who helps women build their businesses. Cailen is an award-winning business coach with a three-day workweek. A mom of two little girls and the creator of scale up a program that teaches coaches, and online service providers how to transitions from exhausting one-to-one work to a premium group program, so they can increase revenue while decreasing working hours. Hi, Cailen and thank you for joining us today.


Thanks for having me, Cynthia, and excited to be here. 

Cynthia 00:58

We like to get started with a question can you please tell us something interesting about yourself that most people do not know? 


Oh, that's a fun question. Most people wouldn't know that one of the ways I love to kind of relax and de-stress at the end of the day is by playing the piano and singing and my girls enjoy it a lot. I've been doing it since I was a kid. It's something that I love, but I don't really perform or share about it. So fun fact.

Cynthia 01:27

Interesting I love singing as well. I've been told I'm not the next Whitney I think I talked about things that you're interested in. Who are the biggest role models in your industry?

Cailen  01:51

Oh, my goodness, well, there are so many brilliant women with successful online businesses, I could name so many. But I think something important to share is one of my first mentors, you know, people that I was looking to was Marie Forleo and she is a big name these days in the industry. 

But back when I first found her, she was still on the rise. I remember just, she was one of the first people I really saw in the coaching world and creating a business around her passions, her strengths online platforms of videos, email content, and online programs. I was so inspired by her. There's been so many coaches that I have worked with since and so many amazing books that I've read, but she will always have a little place in my heart as sort of the first person I saw as, as the star of the coaching world.

Cynthia 02:44

Nice I like her as well. We were speaking about the industry of coaching. Why, in your opinion, do you think it's hard for women and men to start their business in coaching?

Cailen 02:59

I think one of the challenges that we face with starting any online business, especially if we're coming from a career is thinking about leaving that, quote-unquote, safety and security behind that steady paycheck, and all the things that come with it you know the benefits and things like that. I think it's important to keep in mind when you're starting a business or a coaching business, in particular, is that if this is something that has been on your heart for any amount of time, whether it's been a few months or several years, that it's worth exploring in some small way, shape, or form, and it depends how risk-averse you are to what that might look like. 

It doesn't necessarily mean up and quitting your job and starting fresh, you could start exploring how to support people in a coaching capacity on your off-hours or the weekends or by doing some research on your own and maybe not even working with any clients yet just to see if it's something you do want to pursue. I think a lot of us think that in order to start a business that we sort of have to jump ship and start fresh from the ground up and what I love to encourage my clients to do is to make the transition as fluid and supportive as possible, if that's what you need, especially if you're a mom like me with a family to think about you can't necessarily just cut ties with everything that's providing you the support right now, if do have that family to consider.

Cynthia 04:30

That's great advice I like how you tailored it towards the person because I heard a lot of people give some advice is that you need to go all-in and like you said for someone who still needs that support that would be difficult. I think it is very tailored to the lifestyle that you're trying to grow in the responsibilities that you have before you to fully step into that role.


Absolutely I think that's something so important to consider. Anytime you hear from someone that this is the best, the one and the only way of doing something, it must have been for them the best and the only way of doing it, but it doesn't necessarily mean that's the case for you. That's why I enjoy coaching so much because it's not just a hard and fast formula. If it was that simple, there would be tons of people starting their own businesses, they knew just ABC do these things. And it's the end, but it's about seeing the nuances of their lifestyle and their goals. You know exactly how ready they are to make this transition into a business of their own and meet them where they're at and support them in that way and the way they need to be supported. That's different for everyone.

Cynthia 05:51

I love that and so you know, why? Because you can see that your walk isn't necessarily the same as someone else, that it's totally dependent on yourself. I love that you gave that message. A lot of times, especially when you're starting out in entrepreneurship, you think that if I'm not making so much money, if I don't have so many clients, I'm not being successful, maybe this is not for me, I should just toss it in. But like we're discussing, it depends on you. And the things you have to do where you want to go how you want to get there. It's all these things that evolve. It's not a size fit.

Cailen 06:32

Unfortunately, no, I wish I could say just do these things. I guarantee you that you'll be successful. But that's not how life works. Life is about trial and error. Sometimes the things we learn from the tough things are even more valuable lessons than the things we coasted through in the easy times. I think it's important to remember that if you are trying to get your business going and you're feeling resistance, you're not getting the number of clients you're hoping for it just doesn't feel like it's working. It doesn't mean it's never going to work, right? We don't need everything we do to be successful to have a fulfilling successful life in the big picture. That's something that you have to build that resiliency muscle, I think that's one of the most important things you can do.

Cynthia 07:14

I love it now we're speaking about resiliency and things of that nature. Why is consistency so important? I know a lot of times like we were discussing, you start, and then you're like, oh, this is not working. This is not for me, forget it. I'm out of here. But you know, it is true consistency is key. So, what do you have to speak on that topic of being consistent?


I think I must credit consistency with, 99% of me still being here today, when I started my business. I mean my entrepreneurial journey started back in 2008. It's been a long time. If I had given up every time it was hard, I would have been done in like 2008. It's been this recommitment this decision to I'm going to keep showing up for myself, for my dreams, for my family, and what I want for them. That can be an energetic thing where you make that commitment to showing up and pursuing your business. 

And then it could be a practical thing. Like I remember I started sending a weekly newsletter back in 2012. I think since then, we have maybe taken a total of four or five weeks off with that weekly newsletter. There are people who have been on my list for years and now they're investing in coaching and programs it just it wasn't quite the right time. That consistency piece allows you to plant those seeds and give them the time they need to bear fruit, whether it be very quickly, which is amazing or more time.

Cynthia 09:12

I like that and we can use that in different aspects of life. Because a lot of times that's what happens. You try we can say a career you try to enter a specific field. It doesn't work you think oh, this is not for me. You want to get married. You tried dating a couple of guys though this is not for me. You try to have children that you know the list just goes on and on. But it's the consistency. That's key. Speaking of children that reminded me of when I wanted our second daughter, and it wasn't happening. I and we started trying though when he was two because I wouldn't my kids close together. But if I had given up I wouldn't have the beautiful girl so everything takes time and everything comes out. In the most beautiful way you could ever desire if you just keep going at it, just keep chipping that block away.


It's not easy to do that consistently. I mean, that's why you see by like the third week of January, everyone's done with their New Year's resolutions, right? They tried it, and it's not working, you know, air quotes there. And suddenly, they're ready to give up. It's you have to really ask yourself, is this something I'm willing to make a priority and that I'm willing to commit to, because if you want to have a fulfilling business, a successful business, whatever that means to you, it is going to require time and energy and effort. And it doesn't have to be endless hours all the time. But there does have to be a commitment to it.

Cynthia 10:53

Commitment because that's what keeps people stuck in that commitment because you commit to it today like you're saying, especially January, we'll use the exercise. I want to lose 10 pounds this month, okay. And then like the third week, you're like, oh, I'm tired of eating this food, I'm tired of exercise, I'm tired of doing all these things. And you find yourself right back to where you were. Then you know that, if you had just kept going, maybe the 10 pounds is going to come in three months or four months or five months. But if you keep at it, it's going to come just don't lose that hope. Then speaking of that, why do you think in your opinion that people lose that hope so quickly? I know we're in the generation of we want everything now. But as we're discussing things, they do take time and more time, more times than not, it takes more time than you expected. Why do people just lose that hope so quickly? Why have you seen that happening?


I think one of the things that happen, especially in the coaching industry is you get on Instagram, and there are all these coaches having their 100k a year, their 100k a month and get this, you know, all these clients coming in from everywhere. So, they're saying on social media, and there are very few people who do say the real talk because they're afraid it's going to scare people. It is a challenge and during your first couple of months of business, you might not get a client. 

But if you do the right work, and lay the foundation properly, you're going to know what efforts you need to do moving forward to start getting that first client and then those next two and then the next five, and it can build from there. But if you abandon it in month two, because you still haven't had a client, and clearly this is never going to work for you. You give yourself some arbitrary timeline like I need to replace my full-time income in the next 60 days. Otherwise, I'm not doing this business, that's a ton of pressure to put on a baby business, right? When a baby doesn't do and then you're like, you got to walk in the next six weeks. Otherwise, I'm returning you, you know, that's just not what we do. We give it the time it needs. And we trust the time we trust that it's going to happen that the baby's going to, sit up and then crawl and then pull itself up and then walk and we allow the process to happen and take the time. maybe they're an early walker at nine or 10 months, or maybe they're late at 13 or 14 months. But it's okay. But we don't allow the business that we think that our timelines are the only timeline that matters, but there are no other factors that could possibly play into it. When it doesn't adhere to it. Exactly. We get so worried and concerned. We shut it down before we even get another chance.

Cynthia 13:45

I think you might have tapped into this one a little bit. But why do you think it's difficult about starting that coaching business? You know, so we've been discussing that I think a lot of people would love to I to help people. And that's essentially what coaching is doing. You're supporting someone to go to the place that they want. 


What I see with the people who are brand new to their business, its analysis paralysis, it's, you know, all well, like, should I use this, you know, Convert Kit to send my emails or should I send Active Campaign? Or maybe someone really says that and says, I don't even know what those are like, this will never work for me. Or, you know, should I post my website over here? Should I make a website? Do I not, they get themselves all twisted up in all the things they'll need to do maybe over the next year, and they don't know where to start. They just keep themselves in that dreaming place which can feel really fun and open and free because it's just they get to keep thinking about it and thinking about it but not actually taking action, which is that it's a momentum shift right? You must get yourself into it and start moving forward.

Cynthia 15:02

What is your definition of a high-end client? 


I always encourage my clients to seek out high-end clients for their own business. I always clarify what I mean by that, because they think you hear high-end clients, you're like, oh, people that will pay me lots of money. Right? You know, that's fantastic. But what I mean, when I say the high-end client is an individual who loves the work you do, who's a believer in the work that you do, who shows up for it, who happily invests in it, who happily pays for it, and hopefully sends you more business in the future, because they're so pleased with the results that they've gotten, because they've done the work with you that they send referrals your way. A high-end client is really someone who is a perfect match, or a near-perfect match for your services and what you're offering because those are the people that we want to speak to and market to and build our offers for. So that we're calling them in, and that's a different person. For every business owner, you know, my ideal client, my high-end client is not necessarily yours or someone else's. That's definitely an important journey to walk is, is to define that client avatar, and make it as specific as possible.

Cynthia 16:23

When I read your definition, I was like, this is so refreshing. Because as I'm in the coaching space, as well. And a lot of times, that's exactly what high-end client means is, you know, your 10k program, your 5k program, and you're not charging enough to attract that high-end client. But I like that is a person who is fit for you. That loves the work that you're doing, how you're supporting them. And yeah, send more people your way. 

Then how does all of this work incorporating that balance of work, and family even like career-wise, it's tough, your own business, it becomes overwhelming as well, you know, even as a stay-at-home mom balancing those things, you have to do personal care. And all those things become, you know, a challenge, how does one begin to work all of that out?


I think a nice exercise to do early on, when you're thinking about starting your business, or when you've just started your business is to kind of do a map of your ideal week, what would that look like? What hours would you spend doing?  How much time would you spend on your business? How much time would you spend with your family? Are there things you would like to do for yourself, get to the gym or a yoga class or go get a massage or those types of things, have lunch with your girlfriends, and map it out in sort of a model calendar like this would be my ideal week, I would love to see it like this. 

See what small incremental upgrades you can make now to the way the week currently is that would move you in that direction. If you're finding that you're working into the evenings, and you're, kind of on your laptop and not totally present with your partner and or your family or kids, that doesn't sit well with you. What adjustments could you make, maybe you could pick two evenings, that you work on the business or three evenings or one evening instead of random evenings without any plan or rhyme or reason to it. And then your family knows Tuesdays and Thursdays are mom's night, where she's going to work on her business after she gets home from work, we're not going to bother her. We also know mom's going to be really present all the other nights so that everyone can get on the same page. 

Especially if you are building this business, on top of a nine to five, in addition to working a nine to five, it's helpful if you have a partner who can support you, if you've got kids to get that partner in onboard, not be like secretly trying to build your business, but share with them that this is your goal. This is your vision. And that to make it happen, you need a little extra support. Maybe they can take the kids out for a half-day somewhere out of the house on Saturday so that you can have a quiet house to get to because a woman gets like two-three hours to herself. She can accomplish anything. I can get more done in like two or three quiet hours than I think most people get in like a full day once you're a mom, you know how to do it. I think those types of conversations are really important to have to get everyone on the same page and for people to respect each other's time and boundaries and the process of building the business.

Cynthia 19:57

Oh, I love it. So, as we're ending, what is your number one takeaway, you really want to leave the audience with? 


This is a good one and let's see, I think something that's important to remember. Because as ambitious individuals who wants the very best for ourselves, our families, lives, careers, we can be so focused on the result it's going to be so great when I get there when this business is doing this amount of revenue when I'm able to quit my day job, and you have this ideal future. We're kind of, in some ways, waiting to get there. I think that this is, after a lot of work, personal work, and personal development on this, I think it's so important that we be present where we're at, and present in the journey and do our very best to appreciate every step along the way. Because every moment has value and beauty and things that it can reveal to us that help us to know ourselves better, help us to build our business in a stronger way. If we keep just trying to rush through the now and get there, we're kind of setting ourselves up to always be that way. You know, that's how we're living our days. Our lives become this kind of rush hustle until we think we've arrived, but we're never going to feel like we've arrived because we've conditioned ourselves to be in that mode. Remember that, to enjoy the process a little bit more, I think is a really valuable lesson and one that I wish I had known better like in my 20s Because a lot of time like waiting for some destination. And then once I got there was like, oh, wait, I want to go there and there was a new destination. So, you might as well just enjoy the journey.

Cynthia 21:49

That's so true, such as life, that's exactly what happens you have and then like you're saying, you're in such a rush to get there, not knowing that when you get there, there's going to be another target and like you've missed all the in-between because you're in such a rush to get there because I think that we come to a real thing. We think that we're going to come to a place that we arrive, and you know, once you arrive, that's it, but I don't think anyone has been designed to arrive that is we've been designed for a continuous journey.